Saturday, March 24

Celebrity Virist Or Not?

One fine way of learning to be a true Virist is to learn from the examples of true Men in the media and learning from the mistakes of Men gone wrong...
Below are a few examples from certain areas of the media world:

We admire:
The Hairy Bikers:

They're fat, hairy, and ride bikes, that's almost instant qualification for manliness, asides from that they can cook, and cooking outdoors is a speciality of theirs, which, we all know, is the manliest way to cook.
We dislike:
Jamie Oliver:

Burnt his Manhood (He shouldn't be able to call it that) cooking in the nude. Prat. He can cook- a useful skill, admittedly, and there'd be a lot fewer people about if it didn't exist. But his pathetic whining mockney voice disqualifies him from Virism, as he is obviously ashamed of being a middle-class southern twazzock. Virists are not afraid to speak how they want, unless of course they're Welsh.

We admire:
Martin Johnson:

He beats up people for a living, in full adherence to Virist philosophy. If forced to describe him, the only words that spring to mind are "Herman Munster's bigger brother". However, this is not something that any sane person would want to do. Why? Because he's built like a brick crap house, and nobody wants to upset a man like that. Martin Johnson, we salute you.
We dislike:
David Beckham:

The man must have osteogenesis imperfecta, because he's broken more bones than the Queen Mother. When he gets angry, does he erupt into a boiling torment of rage and end someone's football career like Roy Keane? No. He swipes petulantly at an Argentinian and gets sent off. He also cheats on his woman, and Virists don't like that. Women need protecting, and they can't cheat on you anyway because they should never leave the house.

We admire:
Sean Bean:

One of those few men in the acting business who can truly call themselves Men, His hair is often long and unkempt, he doesn't shave too much and he probably smells like a real man, musky. Not only does he smell, look and probably feel like a Man but he could probably dig with the best of them. Fear his spade!
We dislike:
Orlando Bloom:

Ladyboy. He looks like a woMan, talks like a woMan and cant act for toffee, he has long hair but he keeps it neat and he probably hasn't burnt anything for a long time... Nuff said...

We admire:
Ray Mears:

Here is a man who can wander into the wilderness with nothing and two minutes later be relaxing by a fire sipping a perfectly palatable beverage made by squeezing a rare type of beetle and watching a three course-meal cook. A true Virist icon.
We Dislike:
Bear Grylls:

What a dick. he is a pompous, over-excited, hyped wanker. To put him in the same bracket as Ray Mears, as survivalists, is almost insulting, his cocksure tone and sexed up jungle antics make him one of the most punch-worthy people on the box today.
Check out his name too, I bet that's not real. The nob.

From this we can learn the many facets of which a true Man is composed, and many of those which can drag us down to the levels of others in this modern society.

Remember the saying:

"woMan, Get thee behind me!"

Live life to the full my fellow Virists.


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